When heartbreak knocks, open the door wide and welcome it in. We all experience heartbreak in one form or another at some point. Loss of a loved one, loss of a life time opportunity, a shattering romantic break up.

Believe it or not, some intense romantic breakups mimic the experience of having a heart attack. They can manifest extreme physical and emotional distress. There’s even a term for it, the “broken heart” syndrome (physical pain in the heart or chest after losing someone). 

The Tipping Point

The tipping point of a relationship in free fall is when you don’t want it to end but can do nothing to stop it. All you can do is watch as it shatters to the ground. 

In the aftermath of a breakup, the steps you take to get through it can determine the direction of future relationships. Without a doubt the pain can be excruciating. Though self-control and rational support will get you through, more often than not sense and sensibility is out of reach when you’re struggling to get over someone.

Exaggerated attempts to regain the relationship and angry and vengeful behavior can threaten sanity in the moment. Intense thoughts of getting him back even if he initiated the breakup threaten to break you down. In some warped way you feel and that your ex is the only one who can heal you. That is the dilemma of heartbreak. 

The worst thing about heartbreak even when he tells you he doesn’t love you anymore or he found someone new, is the love you have remains. Sadly, the heart wants what the heart wants but the heart is not the best advisor at this time. 

But in order to open the door when heartbreak knocks you need to transcend the emotions and depths of despair while reassuring yourself this too will pass. When you’re young, it’s hard to believe it will get better but as you mature this becomes true. Breakups that happen when you are older have the advantage of finding you in a space of openness and learning because heartbreak will teach you, strengthen you and enlighten you.

Heartbreak will teach you

It will teach you the kind of love you want to experience. It will teach you the things to look out for in future and that pain is a temporary part of life. When pain comes, time will make it better. 

You will learn some people are toxic, they aren’t meant for you and on the flipside there are those who will love you for you.

You will learn to grieve and sit with your pain till time passes. To suddenly realise it hurts less, the mind opens up to happier thoughts, the palate remembers how to enjoy a meal. It will teach you that regardless of the physical pain or emotional distress, you are still alive and have people around you who care. You should go on and you will go on.

Heartbreak will strengthen you

Get in position to allow it to strengthen you and listen to those close to you. This is when you need a support system able to challenge you to honor yourself by building self-control. To pull you out of the doldrums and remind you of the events that led to this place.

The strength comes in drawing from positive energy and moving away from what hurt you. Tempting as it may be to connect with him for closure, dig deep and stay away. What is needed now is time to get back to your senses.

Solitude encourages the full circle healing process. By either returning to him or falling into the arms of someone else, you won’t grow and become stronger. Find a trusted voice to tell your story. They can reflect what you may not see or just listen till you make sense of it. Regain internal strength and control moving away from needing relationship validation.

Heartbreak will enlighten you

In the midst of recovery, find resources to read, listen to and gain new understanding of the science of love. Pursue the simple habits necessary for nurturing love. Self-reflect on how you got here because the answers are found within. Gain perspective engaging in active emotional exposure. Spiritual practices find their place here. Pray, meditate, sit in silence opening up to their truth. Do what works for you.

Heartbreak is not a one and done, it’s not the end of the world. The most common advice from those who’ve been through it is “you’ll get through it even though it doesn’t feel like it now.” The wind has been taken from your sails for a little while but only for a while.

Take stock of the detrimental relationship nuances you had and appreciate that it did happen. Learn from it, get strength because of it and be enlightened by it.

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