Do you think there’s someone meant just for you? Who ticks all the right boxes, an amazing romantic, an awesome friend? Just that one guy who’ll choose you time again.
The magic formula!
Well, there is no magic formula to finding someone like this, and certainly trying to bundle all these traits into one person is a recipe for disaster. You’d be burdening him with the expectation of perfection because as intimacy and modern love expert Esther Perel puts it, “there is not one person who can give you everything, and fulfill all your needs. It’s a setup for frustration, disappointment and disillusionment”.
However, as people meet and spend time together, one of them stops you in your tracks, making you realize how deeply they resonate with the future you hope for. A life you can’t wait to begin together. From a position of choice, the opportunities are vast and most people have the pick of the litter.
What happens though if love is eluding you?
Sadly some people take a lot longer to find this life partner, or they face too many personal hurdles in meeting the right person. In this case, some much needed self-love and a back to basics mindset might help unlock the peace of mind required for a happy single life or a happy partnered one.
Making the choice to be in a committed relationship has a lot to do with being in a position to find and be found. It’s about attracting the energy you desire in a mate and more importantly creating a life story together. When you choose each other, you are choosing a set of issues to work with. Some will be happy and some will be difficult and there’ll definitely be plot twists to also deal with.
You’ll want someone who can go on this winding road with you, holding your hand all the while. Letting the grip relax sometimes while holding tighter at others.
So how do you put yourself in position for this person in your life?
Three things you can do to make the shift
Declutter your lifestyle
If you are ready for a committed relationship, to meet the kind of person who’ll resonate with you for a lifetime, it’s time to let go of the ones who don’t. Let go of friendships or old flames who’ve lost meaning in your life.
Begin working on your mindset. If you’ve been talking about relationships that don’t work, start talking about the ones that do. If you’ve been worried you’ll attract a cheating man, take stock of the fact that unfortunately people do make choices like these, but the greater concern is attracting someone to work together in building a good foundation for the long haul.
The reality is, when you finally meet someone, he’ll come with a set of issues you’ll deal with in some form. Don’t overthink the negatives, build on the positives within you and make space for someone who speaks the same language.
Be in a space to be found
Go to new places where the kind of person ready for you hangs out. Join different clubs physically or online. Now that your mind is clear, fertile and curious, you’ll notice more people with a similar spirit.
If you’re on the shy side, friends in your inner circle can link you up. When you exude a pleasant spirit, peers will likely think of you if they meet someone whom you’d love to meet.
Whether you’re the loudest person in the room, the quietest or the quirkiest, embody the way you naturally show up in the world. Don’t change that part of you. As long you are at peace with your uniqueness, the person who wants to be with you will meet you as you are and see beyond your rough edges.
Don’t change your essence to please someone. Of course each individual has traits they’d like to improve over time and that is a choice you’ll make in your daily interactions with the one you love. In the same vain, meeting him as he is creates a relaxed environment for your authentic selves to thrive and let go of an enigma neither of you can reach.
Being yourself puts you in a position to find someone who wants you for you.